"Spoiled, white, middle class, male European" in Guatemala 

Wow, nicely written diary!!! How about if I say you are living a life of a "spoiled, white, middle class, male European" in Guatemala??? Any thoughts??? Worth writing!!! 😝😝😝

Via WhatsApp he had sent me this comment after reading my text "A Bohemian in Guatemala", which I had written in response to a previous corresponding comment of his. I must admit I was a bit shocked by his provocatively clear suggestion, that points to many insights and prejudices that I can hardly avoid to face.

What should I write about this? The stereotype is exactly true, I "am" everything it says, so there would be nothing to write about; other than the fact that the color white could be discussed, like other colors or attributes. But since I love to write and let my thoughts bubble, and I enjoy sharing them, I accept this challenge.

Spoiled? You probably mean money first, or is that a cliché of mine too? Or do you refer to me dancing with different women, even though I have a close girlfriend? Or do you mean that even in Covid-19 times I move without fear, including emigrating to Guatemala, even knowing that many things would have changed? Or do you mean that I have no family and grandchildren, and therefore can move "freely", and don't have to think only about the future of my children and grandchildren, including a bank account for their future?

I don't know, I can only poorly understand the drive of other people, at best I can guess. It's a fact that I was spoiled by my mother with care and above all with the confidence that all would somehow turn out well. She was unshakeable, "naive" as she was.

Her optimism was seasoned with the complete opposite, with everything my father feared for me because - spoiled as I was - I refused practically everything he "reasonably, realistically and logically" offered me.

I'm not talking about food, bed or the possibility of being "well" educated as a middle-class child; that is, I didn't have to carry firewood on my head at age four like a Guatemalan kid in the countryside, in order to contribute something to a simple and often hard life. I didn't even have to go to preschool, I could just play; but had to be home for dinner, at six o'clock, even if the other kids could still play outside. After all, life is not a pleasure, there must be order, even if it is a bourgeois one.

Nor did I have to learn to fish, because the fish - which I rarely saw in my youth - came, if at all, from the freezer in the grocery store (fish fingers), or was served later in the restaurant by the lake, fried in butter, or "blue", like the trout, which then still looked you in the eye, even devoid of water and life. I didn't like that, how pampered I was. Fish fingers with homemade mayonnaise, that's what my mother made quite often, because she knew we loved it. Otherwise, we had to eat what was served, finish the plate and eat the soup ("face the music... foot the bill"), and that was - as always in retrospect - a wonderful thing to learn.

Of course I do understand my provocateurs focus on money. As he has a family, and has not been able to decide freely what he does, and could not like me simply face ups and downs. He had to raise money regularly, even expose himself to some humiliations. I didn't have to do that. If I was faced with such a challenge, I could immediately pay the consequences and resign. The bosses who thought they could take the piss out of me had no mercy on me. Spoiled, I didn't have to put up with that humiliation, and not because I had money, but simply the confidence that I would always find work. I was reliable, flexible and willing to work, I accepted the money I received in return and had - simply - the confidence that things would work out well. This remains my greatest asset, a rich resource.

However, I usually had money. And when I had little, I adjusted my life. That, too, is a wonderful gift, that even if I take life for granted because I don't know any other way, I can take the turns life takes and enjoy them in every way.

Middle class? It was already said then, but I never knew what it meant exactly, if anything educated middle-class, sheltered in a villa with its own garden, a life I have enjoyed, but suffered at the same time. I didn't quite know how to talk to "simple" people or how to behave at their table, although time and again my closest friends lived in simple circumstances, and I loved being able to read comics there almost carefree - albeit with a bad conscience - or just watch them, something I wasn't allowed to do at home; and that you could raise your voice at their table and even laugh.

I always had enough money, regardless of the amount. Quite often I even had too much, and with it the agony of what to do with it. My biggest problem was that I didn't know what was now mine and what was not, even if it was or is in a bank account that is in my name. I often thought of "responsibility" without knowing exactly what it meant. I am spoiled, also spoiled by conflicting thoughts and questions that drive me crazy over and over again. That is also a gift, to be able to experience the limits of "reason", and to have the strength again and again to endure and even "enjoy" such contradictions.

Although I am a "neutral" Swiss, and enjoy a peaceful reputation, I am aware that I am also a descendant of Columbus, he too was a white European, well educated and pampered, an adventurer and explorer, a conqueror. Although I did not conquer "America" myself, I also see the "conquistador" in the Swiss, even if "we" only joined, benefited and accumulated wealth in the wake of the conquest. I also took this spirit with me to Guatemala. A dinosaur on the move that has to choose its steps carefully so nothing gets squashed under his feet, including himself; spoiled by challenges of all kinds, even if they can never be those of a "neglected" and "poor" child who has not received the same attention as I have. Just as a dinosaur cannot be an ant. But can they still learn to dance together? That's my biggest question, even if they haven't been doing this since time immemorial.

Male? I guess so, I often love being a man. Sometimes I would also have loved to be a woman. After all, "man" and "woman" are always renegotiating, so in Spanish I often have trouble giving the subject the correct gender adjective. I also came to Guatemala because originally - at least in Mayan culture - there was no distinction between male and female. There were only complementary and interdependent beings, not yet called humans. And death and life were also part of an eternal life cycle. "Uneducated pagans" that have always inspired me.

I often despair of prejudice and wonder if it is possible or makes sense to live without prejudice. Are they as necessary as the bark of a tree, without which it could never drive the sap from the earth to the leaves? And can I say that the most important thing is not money, but experience, whatever that may be? Even if you think you have a harder life because you don't have as much money as I do and children to think about? Can you think about them too?

You see, I'm only indirectly talking about the "spoiled, white, middle-class male middle-class European in Guatemala", because I'm still unsure about what he had in mind. But finally he made it clear that he would like to read about "the life of an economically privileged Swiss in Guatemala", more bluntly: "a rich man in a poor Guatemala".

Let's get one thing straight: Guatemala is by no means poor, although there is a lot of poverty here and many are starving to death. If countries had to live off their own resources, Guatemala would be much richer than Switzerland. To put it clear, Switzerland is only richer because it can convert the cheap coffee bought from Guatemala into (coffee) gold and it knows how to use cheap labor from abroad. Besides, "we Swiss" know how to handle money, even to some extent water, one of the biggest resources we have, although money is still more important, so pesticides have to remain in the water, just like in Guatemala, already "developed" as well.

True, being a "rich" Swiss in Guatemala can be quite a challenge. But, again, it is only a problem if some people think that someone has something they don't have, but all else equal; that money is something extra that has little to do with life. In my experience, it's not like this. That I have money in reach is perhaps only because I might not survive otherwise, because I did not learn as a child to live by the day, nor to carry firewood. So without money I would not be as well equipped as many people here; and of course, there are also those in Switzerland.

I came to Guatemala because I had always been tormented by the question why the world is so unfair, why some have so much and others have so little. But I couldn't do anything with development aid, because from the very beginning I realized that these people here usually live in a different and simpler way, and the question, who to develop is still a big one. I have never understood the idea that money could make the world a better place. On the contrary, money has made us lose touch with the earth, because it has not much to do with "real life", even if it creates something very real. Also science and knowledge are driven by money, and are not "independent," not "impartial," and not "value-free" (as it is called in German). However, the value and meaning of life are always negotiated. Not even thought can escape this.

Guatemala is divided into two parts, not like Switzerland, where everyone is covered by the system. Here too there is the modern world, and it also is regulated by bank accounts, insurance, tax identification numbers, social security, property titles and mass communication. But also the "informal" one, in which people, perhaps like animals or plants, continue to live under the radar of progress. At the breaking points of these worlds, people suffer, presumably because they continue to live "badly" but also get to feel the benefits of wealth. Where shacks approach mansions and shopping malls, where you can no longer go to the local and cheap market; more because the rules of modern life (covid, thanks to progress we can survive...) dictate so, so you have to go shopping at Walmart or La Torre even if you don't have a car. Of course they don't, which is why some consider them as selfish, uneducated and inconsiderate. Virtue is also determined by money. The only question is what will prevail. I hope we can all learn from each other, whether "rich" or "poor," "smart" or "stupid," and that we can always answer the questions of the new coexistence, including those of death.

A few times I have wondered if they want me in Guatemala. Above all, the difficult residency process makes me doubt. Yes, sometimes even I think that Guatemala should welcome me with open arms because I have access to money. But in the meantime I have already thought it over, and I walk step by step. I also know that some people welcome me, even a lot. So I let life decide if one world or the other finally determines, and I take it as "God's will". I will probably stay, and continue to deal with money issues. That is also interesting, an adventure, certainly no less interesting than always wondering in Switzerland what I should do with my money, or even facing the question myself whether I could continue to afford to live there. Because Switzerland is not only rich, but also poor, because money is not an easy resource. There is also no room for improvement, because "less" is not included in "progress". The billions of pension money that are supposed to secure the future cast their shadows. Everything is very expensive and, above all, there is hardly any escape from the game. Bureaucratic control is too sophisticated, including social control. Advantages always turn into disadvantages.

Sharing money in Switzerland is difficult and, above all, somewhat unnecessary, because we have delegated the sharing to the state. Moreover, the Swiss do not like to talk about money. Those who don't have it are often ashamed, as are others, and so they don't talk about it. But presumably this is no different here, with those who have smelled and/or tasted the "value" of money. So I have decided - not only here - to share "my" money; simply because I want to try (and err) - I can't live without curiosity and love of life. Of course, I also want to receive value in return, but I already receive it in abundance, in the most diverse ways. Of course, again and again it is also difficult. If I give money and then some see me only as a source of money, and think that you can milk the cow without spoiling it, yes, I too can despair, but I am learning to see the whole also as the wilderness it remains. The jungle is alive, even in 2021.

As an animal, as a plant, I always have to be aware of which foods I can tolerate and which I prefer to avoid. I do not want to die "prematurely," or even "unjustly," although I have never understood these terms either. Nor do I want valuable life to be determined by attained age, income, blood pressure or standardized education quotients. But they are easy to measure and compare, and because of the clear results, it is no longer necessary to negotiate the meaning of these things. Because as long as the economics is right, even if it remains only for some, at least for them it is "sustainable".

As a naively educated Swiss, I have thought that I could help with the money entrusted to me; so far, it is hardly used, or not even really at my disposal. Money does not change people, they remain the same. But shared life - and with it money - is just more joyful, at least for me. I don't know if it's the same for others. We all experience things differently, we're in a different place, we see things through different eyes. Thank God for that.

PS1: Always a little mute because of my almost predestined emigration to Guatemala, I thought that perhaps I was a seed that had been picked up and swallowed by a bird, with wings woven from the threads of the ancestors, and that had flown here carried by the wind and had dropped the seed, as so often unharmed, on this land, provided with its "fertilizer" for a while. And this seed had germinated - a miracle - and a small plant had grown. And now we just have to see how it will thrive here; whether this land, the environment, the sun, the wind and the climate will welcome it, or whether it will be fought off as a dangerous, invasive neurophyte. Could it be so?

Or am I simply a spoiled white male from the North who has just found a dark-skinned woman here in the South to spoil him even more? Probably the sharp thinker would see it that way. We have learned to think, or at least we are learning to deal with it. It's a muscle, after all.

PS2: It looks like my paperwork to apply for residency has cleared the last formal hurdles, next up is the final interview. Life goes on.

Song: Vivian spontaneously proposed this song to me, and after some hesitation... I thought, yes, it fits!
"You can't take me" (movie "Spirit"), Bryan Adams.
Or this one? "I will always return", Bryan Adams